issues with the 'NOSE'...

As a general rule, the face is the first thing one sets their eyes to during a conversation(unless ofcourse, it's angelina jolie, in which case, our focus would be, ..... , umm, lets just NOT go there)

                                            

Case in point, the nose shares major focal time. WELL, Ofcourse it does, Not everyone is THIS guy.

                                          

Like i was saying, "Baldy Voldy's" nose issues aside (or lack of therof), the nose plays a major role in conversation. Since time immemorial, Mankind has grimaced at the sight of anything within the vicinity of the 'Nose'.it leads to unhealthy distractions and veerrryyy awkward conversations. Sadly enough, i experienced this FIRST HAND.
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I was supposed to do a project with this girl i really liked, and as is the case with any guy who ends up spending time with a girl he really likes, Nothing ever ends up being done.

Sooo, what ensues is loads and loads of talking (JUST TALKING FOLKS, sadly)

It's only after a few minutes that i notice something i wish i had'nt. By now, u'd know what i mean by something. If not, then READ the blog title.

So,There i was, completely disracted with this expression on my face.

                                                      

Normally, you would point such a thing out to someone, but there is a slight problem of me actually having a thing for this girl. Oblivious to all thats going on in my head, she's still talking. Try as i can, i cant get a word she's saying. All i'm thinking is,

                                                      

I do ocassionally catch snippets of the convo but by now, i'm so far gone that she could have said, "Wanna get frisky?" and all i would have done was....

                                                    

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My mind starts imagining things (it's like a crazy itch), and by now i'm wondering if that 'thing' is actually ALIVE. It keeps saying....

"Na na na naa....you can'y get me....loser"
"i'm gonna stay here all day"
"maybe ill invite my friends over"
"how abt i just swivell around a bit"

With these words running around, my mind is a chaotic mess. On the outside, I might look like this,

                                                    

But on the inside,

"GET IT OFF"
"GET IT OFF"
"GET IT OFF"
"GET IT OFF"
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Until she says "Get what off?".
(Lets just say, I wasn't just saying it in my head.)

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"You've got a little something...umm...ur nose...umm"
                                           
Swiping a hand, she looks at me warily, "Relax! it's just a crumb of thermcol"

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"OH....umm..sooooo...umm....Where were we?"

"Well we were supposed to cut a slab of thermocol into circles for the project. I did just that....YOU on the other hand?"....she glances at my hands.
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              Let's just say, The subconscious is a scary thing.

WHY you never saw it coming....

A frequently asked question is, "Dude,where do u get these stuff?".This ofcourse is not said in appreciation or wonderment but with a major feeling of exasperation. I tend to ignore such wibes,it impairs my genius, or lack of thereof.

In this case, this particualr apocolaypse theory hit me while i was baby sitting my cousin sister. As with all girls below the age of 10 (or for that matter, above that) they tend to have an annoying vibe surrounding them. Really infuriating creatures who take delight in torturing our sorry souls. Anyway, I was in the middle of a footie match on the telly and this mongrel decides to change the channel. A good fifteen minutes of negotiations later, she ended up with a box of chocolates, a good fraction of my weekly pocket money and still in possesion of the TV remote.

So there I was trying to devise this entirely awesome plan on how to get the remote back from her clutches. I was thinking the following :

A) Distraction (shove the pet cat in her hands)
B) While she's going all "Awww....sooo cute".....execute 'PROJECT NINJA', aka 'dive for remote'
C) Shove a donut down her throat to negate any future fits of whining.

or......

D) IF none of that works, i could always hit her over the head and hide the body.

Backup plan          

Just when i think things cant get worse, this infernal racket starts playing on the telly, the source of which, is one of those Barbie cartoons. HELP!

The movie in question

An hour of absolute brain draining TRAUMA later,(By now, I've exhausted all strategies to get the remote because nothing seems to work. She's just too smart, the brat. and for some reason, I'm not allowed to hit her over the head while babysitting. WHO MAKES THESE RULES ANYWAYS??).
So, having nothing else to do and suffering from a minor migraine, my brain decides to take a detour into LOONEYVILLE, the birth place of crazy thought. In doing so, my mind has decided to target the one thing which sent it there in the first place, 'the Barbie'. 
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Thereby, I've come to the following thesis on the "Barbie". The following points must be taken in honest consideration :

Observation 1: All the characters in the barbie world look the same. This goes for both guys and
                           girls. Only things that differ are the wardrobe and the hair.

Observation 2: These cartoons are a retelling of all the famous fairy tales that have shaped our lives.

Observation 3 : It's visually starining, the glitters and colour and the colours leave you with major
                           migraines.

Observation 4 : The missing reports and the last conversation of the missing victim both seem to be
                            pointing towards a certain foot high, blonde with an annoying smile.

Taking these in mind, ive come to suspect that MATTEL is a front for a secret space invasion by a race of evil alien barbies. Using their apparently cute looks and  leadig fashion trends, they've gained entry to our homes lying in dormancy until as and when they see fit to launch their attack against mankind. Another clever move is the afore mentioned reshaping of famous fairy tales as a means of influencing young girls worldwide. Theyve led them to believe that to look like a barbie is all it takes to be the among the finest of the elite (hence the lack of diversifying factors in all their dolls).

                            
                                   *The above are examples of barbie zombified bimbos*

It's all a means to create a feeling dystopia around the world. Another slight but largely advantageous factor in their favor is the glaring visuals in all their animations(which i really do believe is carried out on purpose), This i beieve is a means to hyptonize and brain wash their viewers (the sideeffects of which are ear-splitting migraines and dizziness).

Theyve begun with the disappearance of innocent young boys who love to disfigure the dolls of their young sisters (i think they know what's going on). Also, The missing shuttle mustve intercepted the barbie spaceship enroute, hence the sudden diappearance.

                                               
                                                           *evil barbie overlord*

The accoplaypse is coming folks, Mankind is about to embark on the greatest war our civilisation has ever seen, provided we notice the attack ofcourse.

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                          *For those who wanna know. Looneyville looks something like this*

When doing too much gets the better of you....

Ever noticed how sometimes you're hit by a force of imagination and you act on it immediately, but after sometime u realise that YOU CANT STOP. It's like you're running into a brick wall and your mind keeps telling you, "It's miles away, just keep running", and then all of a sudden,

Well, that's what happened to me. In my last post, i got hyper and started writing and i went on and on and on until "SPLAT!!!". Now i'm in between a rock and a hard place trying to come up with a theory that'd would make the entire thing plausible.

But don't worry folks, My imagination hs never failed me before, and i dont intend to let a bunch of homicidal dolls bring me down.

You never saw it coming.....

3 AM, early saturday morning....the folks at the FBI recieve a call from a frightened young boy, forwarded by the police ofcourse. (STOP TRYING TO FIND LOOPHOLES IN THE STORY!!!)

Oooh and when i say FEDS, i mean

NOT

Note : The following is a work of fiction, DONT SHOOT ME!!!!

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BOY: *Shreiking*  *heavy breathing*  *Some more shreiking* pause for effect *More shreiking*

AGENT: "calm down sir....just take deep breaths...calm down.....i need you to do that for me...okay.....now what'd you say your name was again?"

AGENT: "This is not working....sir please....keep calm.....*more shreiking*.....WILL YOU SHUT THE FUDGE UP!!!!!"

BOY: *falls quiet* "umm....my name is Matthew" *heavy breathing* "I'm scared" *more heavy breathing* "It's after me" *sobs*

AGENT: "It's a kid!!! Where are you? What's after you, son? Can u describe it? anything at all?"

BOY: "I'm at 234 venue,newberry."*sobs*

AGENT: "Okay, keep calm...someone's on the way, decribe it for us, can u do that son?

BOY: "It's abt a foot high," ( AGENT : "A foot....WHAT IS THI"  ) "Its got blonde hair and creepy eyes and keeps grinning at me" *shreiks* "it keeps getting closer"

AGENT: "Kids these days!!!"

*click*

BOY: "HELLO?? HELLO??"

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The Next day: Boy reported  missing. Taken from bed, both doors and windows were reportedly shut from the inside. The question arises, Where did he go?

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Somewhere around the same time, in the state of arizona (WHY DO ALL THE COOL STUFF HAPPEN IN THE USA??) ,scientists at NASA recieve a call from APOLLO 21

ASTRONAUT GUY : "Houston, we have a problem!!"

NASA DUDE : "Roger that, Astronaut guy!! Go on.

ASTRONAUT GUY : "Incoming projectile, 1000 knots, 2000 knots ITS GETTING CLOSER!!!"

NASA DUDE :"Can u describe the projectile?"


ASTRONAUT GUY :"It seems like astroid segment....wait it's coming closer....AAAARGHH!!!!"

NASA DUDE : "HOW CLOSER? CAN YOU DODGE IT??"

ASTRONAUT GUY : "WE'RE ABOUT TO BE HIT!!!!.....AAAAAAARGH!!!!!"



NASA DUDE : " WHA..."

ASTRONAUT GUY : "AAAAAAARGH!!!!!"

NASA DUDE : " WHA..."

ASTRONAUT GUY : "AAAAAAARGH!!!!!" *staic* *starts laughing*

NASA DUDE : "WHA....wait....why are you laughing? what happened?"

ASTRONAUT GUY : "You woud'nt believe it if i told you" *more laughing"

NASA DUDE  : "What is it??"

ASTRONAUT GUY : "take a guess....its abt a foot high...blonde hair...WAIT....SOMETHINGS WRONG....IT SEEMS TO BE LAUGHING.....WHAT IS THIS?? SOME KINDA  JOKE?? OH NO!!! OH NO!!! OH NO!!!

NASA DUDE  : "What is it? WHAT IS...."*static*"ARE YOU THERE??"*static*

                                                          *CONNECTION LOST*

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The Next day: NASA space shuttle disappears in space. Question arises, ARE WE ALONE OUT THERE?

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These were just two of many instances which took place wihin the span of saturday evening and sunday morning, is there a connection to this chaos, will order be restored, stay tuned to find out.

Everything needs a beginning right....even Boogers

In my jobless forays into the vast reaches of the world wide web. I've come across a lot of bollocks (loads of crap!). I figured one more entry won't harm the world, unless ofcourse, I spark a widespread movement that shall change the way we look at the world forever (Yeah right! Safe to say, THATS NOT GONNA HAPPEN!!!). Then again, the only people who are ever going to read this are my closest friends, or perhaps my worst enemies, or maybe i'm just holding these buggers at gunpoint,

which ofcourse i would never do,OBVIOUSLY!! *kicks gun under the rug*

Sooo, What then is this blog gonna be about, you ask?...well....FYI....the title's not gonna be much help

Naaaa, it's just that, recently my brain has been on overdrive with it's far fetched theories (most of which are just baloney), It's been keeping me distracted and giving me migraines, so i figured a little output might not be so bad, thts wat my shrink tells me anyway  (NOT THAT THERE'S SOMETHING WRONG WITH ME, NO WAY!!!......JUST ASK MY TEDDY)

Don't expect anything in the first post though, but trust me guys, there'll be some seriously wacky stuff coming soon, just stay tuned ;)

UP NEXT, THE BARBIE APPOCALYPSE (YOU DON'T WANNA MISS THIS ONE!!!)