"Childhood Innocence"
Surely they weren't serious? Surely there's been some kind of a mistake? Someone must be having a laugh?
Whoever decided to bring the two words together must surely be laughing his bony bum off in a grave somewhere.
Either that or he must have been high. I hear Opium was legal those days. Must have taken an small Asian nation just to keep the creative in question awake.
Either that or it was written by an idiot. Apparently "Someone" gifted life without the curse of self-awareness. Or taste, irony or judgement for that matter.
Whoever thinks children are innocent surely hasn't been tasked with babysitting those nasty buggers yet. No matter what, I always end up having to find my wallet under couches and behind cupboards. And they almost always have a few notes missing, Not that there were many in the first place. And the STAINS.GOD!!! those STAINS!!!
But those issues aside, Kids have always had a sort of perverse sense of thought. By perverse, I refer not, to the sexual innuendos of adults. Nope, for them, puberty is miles away and any sight of the opposite sex makes them run for cover, screaming "COOTIES" as a distress call for all to hear.
Nope. What I'm referring to, is different sort of perversion. The sort of perversion that's to do with wet ketchup stains, poopy pants, wet beds and the oh-so-unforgettable FART JOKES. You think we'd be above such stuff, but our backyard is ridden with childhood memories to negate such false assumptions.
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Look at me for instance,
By age 11, I was convinced that poodles were dogs with some weird hair shedding disease. I mean, look at these buggers.
By age 12, Ben Franklin made way into my school syllabus. I had my first Einstein moment that day. I'd theorised that the growing poodle population had nothing to do with a fast spreading hair disease but everything to do with a bunch of dogs who'd decided to pee on a lightning rod in the middle of a Thunder storm.
| Something similar to this |
By age 13, I was told it wasn't the rod that rode down the side of a building. Merely a wire connected to it.
Safe to say, I thought the teacher an idiot. Never poop on kid's imagination. You might just end-up with some on your doorstep.
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Now, That brings to mind another obsession. The word "Poop" had made it's way into every child's vocabulary. I was no exception. We'd be hurling insults at the speed of light to all and sundry. With words ranging from poopy pants to poopy poop and the infamous poopy face, The "largely brown" spectrum was vast growing owing to no lack of imagination or creative input on our part.
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And the fart jokes just kept coming. We'd been blasting fart noises into the still atmosphere ever since we learnt to "Pucker up and blow".
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But all jokes aside, I didn't mean it when i say kids aren't innocent. They're the best kind of innocent.
You see,
As we grew up, Our best friend becomes our worst enemy.
Lollipops turned to cigarettes.
Home work went in the trash.
Detention became suspension.
Soda became vodka.
Kisses turned into sex.
Remember when getting high meant swinging on the playground?
When protection meant wearing a helmet?
When the worst things you could get from boys were cooties?
When Papa's shoulders were the highest place on earth and mommy was the love of ur life?
When your worst enemies were your siblings?
When race issues were about who ran the fastest and war was only a card game?
When only drug you knew was cough medicine?
When the only things that hurt you were skinned knees?
When goodbyes only meant, until tomorrow?
Remember when we couldn't wait to grow up?
Bring back that innocence folks. The world needs it. You need it!
So reach under your beds, Don on that red-blanket and take to the skies in your blue boxers. And when you've reached the highest....the peak....the summit....
just PUCKER-UP and BLOW.
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